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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23701279">Not Enough</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/BrassGoggles/pseuds/BrassGoggles'>BrassGoggles</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shall We Date?: Obey Me!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Family Drama, Fluff and Angst, Gen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 19:00:30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,617</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23701279</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/BrassGoggles/pseuds/BrassGoggles</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“Hey, whoa, what’s wrong?” I don’t answer beyond ducking my head and giving it a quick shake. I want to tell him it's nothing, but I don’t trust my voice. I want to laugh it off, or pretend I didn’t notice the slipup – obviously he hasn’t. This is fine, I tell myself, again and again, trying to get it to stick. But I’ve been doing that for three days now, and based on my stinging eyes and tightening throat, I’ve reached my limit. </p><p>(Set shortly after chapter 16 of the game.)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>138</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Not Enough</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Howdy! I started writing this after finishing chapter 16, mostly because I was kind of upset about how weird everyone immediately started acting towards the player character. The next chapters helped a bit, but I still feel like we ended up just ignoring their reactions in favor of moving on with the story. Which is fine, but I wanted to write this to sort of fill in the gap for myself, anyway. I hope y'all enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.</p><p>(Obligatory spoiler warning for anyone who hasn't made it to chapter 16 in game yet.)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>            <em>This is fine</em>. The others laugh at some joke that must have been told and I join in, although I hadn’t been listening in the first place. <em>I should be happy for them,</em> I tell myself again, trying to drill the thought into my head. <em>They’ll go back to normal soon. Everything’s <strong>fine</strong>.</em></p><p>            It’s been three days since my relation to Lilith was brought to light. My friends had all been ecstatic, and I couldn’t blame them. Initially, I <em>had</em> been happy for them, glad that they finally had some semblance of closure. I was willing to accept their extra attention the first night, despite how uncomfortable it made me feel if I stopped to think about it too much. As long as they were all happy, I would be too.</p><p>            But it hadn’t stopped. They’d kept at it the next day, and the day after. Always so sweet, and considerate, and wanting to spend every second possible with me. Which, sure, I always enjoy spending time with them. But now… well, now I get the feeling that it’s not actually <em>me</em> they want to spend time with anymore.</p><p>            A hand on my arm draws my attention back to the table. “Don’t you agree, dear?” Asmodeus prompts, lifting a spoon up to my lips. I accept the bite obediently, then realize he’s still waiting for an answer.</p><p>            “Oh, um. Yeah, of course,” I say after a moment, hoping that that had been the right response. A flicker of a frown crosses Asmo’s face, but it’s gone just as quickly, replaced with his usual smile. He squeezes my arm gently before letting go, turning back to his previous conversation. I turn my own attention back to my plate, picking at my dinner and trying to stay more aware of my surroundings.</p><p>            “Hey, what’s wrong with you?” I hear Mammon ask. I look up, startled at his harsh tone, to find he’s staring at me.</p><p>            “Excuse me?”</p><p>            Mammon stammers, backtracking hastily. “Uh, I just meant. Uh. I mean, are you feeling alright? You’ve been acting kinda…,” he trails off, gesturing vaguely.</p><p>            “You <em>have</em> been awfully quiet lately,” Satan agrees, frowning. “And you’ve hardly touched your food. You’re not getting sick, are you?” I shake my head, offering them a small smile, although inwardly I’m berating Mammon for drawing attention to me.</p><p>            “I’m just tired, I guess,” I try, shrugging. When they don’t look convinced, I make an effort to brighten my smile. “Besides, Beel and I had a snack earlier, so I’m not very hungry now.” That seems to satisfy the two demons, and they thankfully drop the subject.</p><p>            “Oh, if you’re not hungry, I’ll finish you’re plate for you,” Beelzebub offers, having taken an interest in the conversation as soon as he heard the mention of food. I pass my plate over, my spirits lifting a bit at the warm smile he gives me in return before digging in. Such a normal interaction is a welcome change from the past few days. Maybe things really are getting better, after all. <em>See? Everything’s going to be fine. </em></p><p>Unfortunately, my hopes are dashed not ten minutes later by a well-meaning Leviathan. He’s in the process of telling me about an upcoming convention he’s got tickets to, one with an overly complicated name that I’ve already half-forgotten. But I enjoy his enthusiasm, and listen eagerly as he goes on and on about which of his current idols and favorite voice actors are going to be there.</p><p>            “Don’t forget to breathe, Levi,” I tease gently when he finally stops talking for longer than two seconds. He rolls his eyes and grumbles a bit, but I give him a soft nudge and a smile to let him know I’m just messing with him. “I’ll admit, this thing does sound pretty neat.”</p><p>            “’Pretty neat’ doesn’t even begin to cover it,” Levi objects, his enthusiasm returning. “It’s gonna be downright amazing! You should totally come with me, Lil.”</p><p>            <em>Ah. </em>Just like that, my budding good mood evaporates. My smile drops, and my chest suddenly feels tight, making it harder to breathe. Thankfully, Leviathan doesn’t seem to notice my change in demeanor, back to hyping up the event he wants me to attend. No; the event he wants <em>Lilith</em> to attend.<em> Stop it stop it stop it, </em>I warn myself. My hands clench around the table. <em>Look at you; jealous of a dead girl. Pathetic. </em>I need to get out of my head before someone senses that something is wrong.</p><p>            Dimly, I’m aware of Levi’s spiel coming to a halt. “Hey, whoa, what’s wrong?” <em>Dammit.</em> Well, that didn’t take long. I don’t answer beyond ducking my head and giving it a quick shake. <em>Nothing’s wrong,</em> I want to say, but I don’t trust my voice. I want to laugh it off, pretend I didn’t notice the slipup – obviously <em>he</em> hasn’t. <em>This is fine.</em> But I’ve been telling myself that for three days now, trying and failing to get it to stick. And based on my stinging eyes and tightening throat, I’ve just about reached my limit.</p><p>            I stand abruptly, bringing the other conversations around me to a halt. <em>No, no, no, keep it together.</em> Acutely aware of everyone’s attention, I do my best to smile, although it comes across as more of a grimace.</p><p>            “I think I’m gonna turn in early,” I say in a rush, my voice wavering and my face burning. “Goodnight, everyone.” With that, I turn and all but flee the room, cursing myself for being so obvious. <em>Idiot. Coward. That was the worst course of action possible.</em> I hear chairs scraping the floor as my friends call after me, and I double my pace, all but jogging back to my bedroom. When I get there, I close the door and lock it, sinking to the floor with a sigh. No sooner have I done so when someone starts knocking insistently from the other side of the door. I hear Mammon call my name. <em>Great</em>.</p><p>            “Hey, open up! C’mon, what’s going on?” Mammon continues. I groan softly as I hear other muffled voices, all asking me to come out and talk. Of <em>course</em> they followed me. I haven’t been allowed five minutes to myself the past few days; why should that change now?</p><p>            “Go away,” I whisper, too quiet to be heard. I swallow hard and try again, voice stronger this time. “Leave me alone.”</p><p>            “Come on, <em>I’m </em>supposed to be the shut-in of the family,” Leviathan tries to joke. Normally I’d be thrilled that he had called me family, but not now. Not when I know that the only reason he said it is because <em>Lilith </em>is family, not me.</p><p>            “Darling, talk to us,” Asmodeus tries, ignoring Levi. “Tell us what’s bothering you.”</p><p>            “<em>No</em>,” I say, more harshly then I meant to. I take a steadying breath. “I just… I need to be alone right now.” They all start talking at once again, confused and concerned and obviously not planning on going anywhere. I drop my head into my hands, squeezing my eyes shut and trying to just block everything out. I can’t think straight for all the noise they’re making, can hardly breathe for the invisible weight pushing down on my chest, threatening to suffocate me. Everything is just too much, too all at once. I let out a strangled cry, then yell through the door “Everyone just shut up and go <em>away</em>!”</p><p>            Instantly everything goes quiet, and it’s not until I hear several sets of footsteps walking away that I realize my mistake: I had phrased that as an order. <em>Oh, no, no, no. </em>A wave of guilt hits me immediately. I’ve always hated the idea of using my pacts like this; I’d even sworn to myself that I never would. Yet here I am, and it’s too late to take it back now. They’re already gone.</p><p>            “That was very dramatic,” I hear Lucifer say. Scratch that; not everyone is gone after all. “But I’m afraid you’ll have a little more trouble getting rid of us.”</p><p>            I sigh. “I didn’t mean to do that. I’ll apologize to them later,” I promise. I stand up from my spot by the door, deciding to change into running clothes. Now that the way is mostly clear, I want to go get some air. Running has always helped me calm down and think, which is exactly what I need right now. I just have to figure out how to get past Lucifer to do so.</p><p>            “You don’t really have anything to apologize for,” Belphegor tells me. “I mean, all you did was use your pacts; you didn’t do anything wrong.” I sigh again, shaking my head, but I don’t feel like responding. I’m still uneasy around Belphegor, and I definitely don’t want to start any unnecessary arguments.</p><p>            I hear Lucifer’s voice again, calling my name to get my attention. “Tell us what’s wrong. If something’s bothering you, we need to-”</p><p>            “I’m sorry, <em>if</em>?” I interrupt, the anger I had been trying to push away resurfacing. “Are you all really so oblivious?”</p><p>            “Come on, don’t be like this Lil, we just-” I yank the door open before Belphegor can finish, glaring at him and Lucifer.</p><p>            “Stop it! Stop calling me that!” I jab a finger at Belphegor, my anger outweighing my fear of him for the moment. “I’m not her, okay?! I’m <em>not</em>. You want to know what’s wrong? It’s you. It’s all of you! I may be related to your sister, but I <em>refuse</em> to be erased by her. I can’t – I’m not…,” I cut myself off, jerking a hand through my hair. I’m not ready for this argument; I don’t even know how I should try to get my point across to them yet. Lucifer and Belphegor both stare at me, too stunned to respond. I don’t normally get angry enough to blow up at them like this. I growl in frustration, although I can’t tell if I’m angrier at them or at myself. Pushing my way past the two of them, I start heading for the entrance hall.</p><p>            “Where exactly do you think you’re going this late?” Lucifer calls after me.</p><p>            “Anywhere that isn’t here,” I shoot back. “I need to think. Don’t follow me.”</p><p>            “You know that it’s far too dangerous to go out on your own at this time of night.” He catches up to me easily, grabbing my arm firmly. I’m forced to stop, but I don’t look back, afraid I’ll either start yelling again or burst into tears if I do so. Maybe both.</p><p>            “I don’t care,” I say, my voice dangerously unsteady. “I just… need some space. <em>Please</em>, Lucifer.” I wait for his answer, still not turning around. He’ll order me not to leave, I already know. Probably reprimand me for shouting at him, too, now that the initial shock has worn off. But still, I keep waiting, not knowing what else to do. Lucifer is silent for a long moment, his grip tightening around my arm. And then… he lets go.</p><p>            “You have your D.D.D. with you, I trust?”</p><p>            “I… yes.” I don’t trust myself to say anything beyond that. <em>Is he really letting me go?</em></p><p>            “Very well then. Just… be careful.” I nod mutely, shocked that he had agreed. I hear Belphegor protest from where he’s still standing by my door, but don’t stick around to listen to him argue with his brother. I need to get out of here before Lucifer changes his mind.</p><hr/><p>            I’d been running for almost an hour before I finally realized where my feet were taking me. At first, I hadn’t intended to go anywhere, really. Just wanted to put as much space as possible between myself and home for a little while. But as I look around, I realize that I recognize this street. Up ahead, I can see Purgatory Hall amid the other dark buildings. <em>Well, since I’m here anyway….</em></p><p>            I approach the door and stop, catching my breath and running a hand through my sweaty hair. Now that I’m here, I feel nervous, for some reason. I don’t really want to bother anyone else with how messed up I am inside right now. But it’s not like I can just keep running forever, as tempting as that sounds. Then again, going back to the House of Lamentation would also not be ideal at the moment, and there aren’t a lot of other safe places for a human to spend the night around here….</p><p>            After another moment’s hesitation, I move to knock on the door, hoping someone is still awake. It swings open almost before I start knocking, startling me. Simeon stands in the now-open doorway, his surprise reflecting mine briefly before morphing into a warm smile.</p><p>            “Ah, you’re here! Please, come in. We were expecting you,” he tells me, ushering me inside with a wave.</p><p>            “You were?” Simeon closes the door behind me and turns back, still smiling. He opens his mouth to answer, but is interrupted as Luke comes barreling into me, yelling my name and wrapping his arms around me in a tight hug.</p><p>            “You’re finally here!” he yells, sending me stumbling with the surprise attack. “What happened?! What did those demons do to you?”</p><p>            “I – “</p><p>            “Don’t worry, you can tell us!” Luke continues, talking over me. I don’t even think he realizes he’s shouting. “Simeon and I will protect you! I promise, if they hurt you somehow, I won’t rest until – “</p><p>            “Luke, maybe you should slow down and let our friend speak, hmm?” Simeon speaks up, laying a hand on the other angel’s shoulder. Luke frowns, but nods obediently, looking back up at me with an expectant expression.</p><p>            I smile at him softly, gently extracting myself from his hug. “I’m fine, Luke,” I say, not quite truthfully. <em>I wonder how bad of a sin it is to lie to an angel.</em> “It wasn’t anything like that, I promise. I just…,” I trail off, then shake my head to clear it. “But, wait, Simeon, how did you know I was coming here?”</p><p>            “Truthfully, I was about to head out to go look for you. Lucifer messaged me. He said he had a feeling you would end up here, eventually. And that if you didn’t, I should bring you myself.”</p><p>            “Of course he did,” I mumble. I’m not sure how to feel about how easy it apparently is for Lucifer to read me. I just hope the others don’t figure it out so quickly, lest I get a repeat of the scene outside my room earlier.</p><p>            “You know, Luke, some of us <em>are</em> trying to get some sleep tonight,” Solomon says around a yawn as he enters the room. He stops abruptly when he sees me. “Oh, we have a guest. What are you doing here so late?”</p><p>            “I –”</p><p>            “They ran away,” Luke answers before I can. “It’s about time, too. Honestly, I have no idea why they stayed as long as they did in the first place.”</p><p>            Solomon raises an eyebrow, but otherwise keeps his expression neutral. “Really? That doesn’t sound like you. Whatever happened must have been pretty bad.”</p><p>            “That’s not –”</p><p>            “Well, good riddance to them,” Luke huffs, interrupting me yet again. “I told you before, you can never trust a demon. Particularly not <em>that</em> lot. But don’t worry; you can stay here with us, instead! Right, Simeon?”</p><p>            “No, <em>wait</em>,” I protest. Once again, things are happening way too quickly for me to keep up. “I didn’t run away. I mean, aside from literally, I guess.” I massage my temples, trying to figure out if there’s a way to explain why I’m here without actually telling them everything. “I didn’t leave them forever. I just… I needed some space to think, and I wasn’t going to get any as long as I stayed.” I look back up. Simeon and Solomon are waiting patiently, while Luke fidgets beside me, clearly still expecting more of an explanation. I sigh. “It’s… kind of a long story.”</p><p>            “We’d be glad to listen, if you need someone to tell it to,” Simeon offers gently. Solomon nods in agreement, although part of me suspects his motives are more focused on satisfying his own curiosity then on lending me an ear. Still, I do want someone to talk to, if only to help me sort out my thoughts out loud. And while I may not be as close to the other exchange students as I am my dormmates, I still consider all three of them good friends.</p><p>            “Yeah. Yeah, I think I’d like that,” I admit meekly, giving in.</p><p>            Simeon gestures towards a couple of couches in the next room, and once we’ve all taken our seats, I begin telling them about what had been happening. I leave out much of the story, not wanting to mention the time traveling, since I still don’t really have a good grasp of how that had all worked. I also don’t mention what Belphegor had done to my double (or had it been to me? Still not sure about that, either.), deciding I’d really rather not revisit that memory.</p><p>            I do tell them about Belphegor being back, as well as a little about my connection to Lilith – although I change up the details a bit (lying to angels again, whoops), wary of how Simeon and Luke might react to hearing the whole story. I can tell Solomon knows I’m up to something, but he thankfully doesn’t press me for now. No doubt he’ll try to get the full truth out of me sometime when we’re alone, but I can worry about that later.</p><p>I stare at my hands clasped in my lap for most of the time I talk, too nervous and slightly embarrassed to watch my friends’ expressions. I’m painfully aware of how pathetic I must sound, whining like a child. But I’ve been trying to push this down for days now, and I feel relieved to finally get some of it off of my chest.</p><p>            Luckily, my friends are a good audience. They stay mostly silent, barring the occasional question, as well as a few angrily muttered comments from Luke about the untrustworthiness of demons.</p><p>            “So… yeah,” I conclude awkwardly. “That’s about it.” The room is silent for a few moments, making me even more nervous. Maybe this had been a bad idea, after all. “Look, I… I’m really sorry. I shouldn’t be dumping all of this on you guys, I know. Don’t worr–”</p><p>            “That’s enough of that,” Solomon interrupts, not unkindly. I glance up, forcing myself to meet his eyes. “We’re your friends, of course you can talk to us about this,” he continues, and my embarrassment fades slightly as the others agree, although my face still feels warm.</p><p>            Luke reaches up to pat my shoulder comfortingly. “He’s right. We’re here for you anytime you need us, alright?”</p><p>            I pull him into a sideways hug. “Alright,” I say softly, giving all three of them a tired smile. “Thanks for this, guys. I guess I didn’t realize how badly I needed someone to talk to about this whole mess.</p><p>            “Well, we’re happy to be of service,” Simeon promises. “Now all that’s left is to decide what you want to do next.”</p><p>            I nod slowly, turning it over in my head. What <em>do</em> I want? I’m not entirely sure; this is the first time I’ve been able to slow down and think about everything that’s happened. A small part of me had hoped I’d be able to figure everything out after talking with the others, but no such luck. While I do feel a bit better, I’m still unsure of how to move forward. “I don’t suppose you have any advice to offer?” I ask instead.</p><p>            “Why not sleep on it?” Simeon suggests. I sigh, disappointed, and he laughs softly. “I know, it’s probably not the answer you wanted, and it won’t solve all your problems instantly. But if you give your mind a chance to rest, you might find things aren’t actually as hopeless as they feel right now.”</p><p>            “I know, I know,” I mumble, pinching the bridge of my nose. “I guess I was just hoping there’d be a quick and easy way to fix everything.”</p><p>            “There might yet be one. But for now, we should all probably go to sleep. It’s rather late, and we do have classes tomorrow.”</p><p>            I wince apologetically. “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to keep you all up for so long.”</p><p>            “Nonsense, you have nothing to apologize for.” Before I can work up the courage to ask if I can spend the night, Simeon seems to read my mind. “Why don’t you stay in Luke’s room tonight?”</p><p>            “Wh – hey!” Luke protests. “I mean, obviously they can, but you could’ve at least let <em>me</em> be the one to offer.”</p><p>            I manage not to laugh out loud, not wanting Luke to think it at his expense. Instead, I give him a grateful smile. “Thanks, Luke. I appreciate it.” This seems to mollify him, and his scowl thaws into a warm smile.</p><p>            “Of course! Come on, I’ll help you get settled in.” After exchanging brief good nights with Simeon and Solomon, I allow Luke to lead me back to his room, where he sets up his couch with way more pillows and blankets then I need – not that I mind – before we both decide to call it a night.</p><p>            I am beyond tired after everything that’s happened today, but it still takes me a while to fall asleep. Purgatory Hall is nice, but it doesn’t feel like home the way the House of Lamentation does. It’s also a lot quieter than I’m used to. Even at this hour, there would usually be at least one person up and about, making some noise. Here it’s near silent, the only sound I can hear being Luke’s quiet, steady breathing. I <em>should </em>be grateful for the quiet, but it’s just one more reminder that I’m not where I belong. <em>Assuming I do still belong.</em> My D.D.D. buzzes several times with incoming messages, but I don’t open them. Maybe I’ll try tomorrow, after I’ve slept on it like Simeon suggested. I hope he’s right, and everything really will be clearer in the morning, but I can’t help but have my doubts.</p><p>            I must have finally managed to drift off to sleep, because I suddenly find myself waking up to muffled shouting coming from outside the bedroom door. Groggily, I sit up, disoriented by my surroundings until last night’s memories come crashing back to me. Right; I’m in Luke’s room. Which means the shouting I’m hearing is probably him, but why?</p><p>            Rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I go to lean against the door, trying to hear better. It’s definitely Luke yelling, and the other voice….</p><p>            “C’mon, Fido, just let me in, will you? I need to talk to them.” I draw in a sharp breath. That’s Mammon’s voice, I’m sure of it. <em>What is he doing here?</em> I’m slightly surprised that out of all of them, he is apparently the first to figure out where I went. Unless Lucifer told him, although I doubt that’s the case.</p><p>            “Hmph! No way; you don’t deserve to talk to them, not after how you and your brothers have been acting. And my name’s <em>not</em> Fido!” I hear Mammon groan, exasperated.</p><p>            “Yeah, yeah, whatever. Now move; I’m going in whether you like it or not.”</p><p>            “No! Leave them alone or so help me I’ll- “</p><p>            “You’ll what, bark at me some more?”</p><p>            “Ugh! Just go away, alright?! They don’t want to talk to you, and besides, they’re still asleep. I’ll have you know I’m not afraid of using force to protect them if I have to!”</p><p><em>            Uh oh. </em>I feel myself smiling a bit, even as alarm bells start going off in my head. Luke is sweet to look after me and all, but if it actually came down to a fight, there’s no way he’d stand a chance against one of the seven rulers of hell. I’m pretty sure Mammon knows better than to actually take him up on his offer, but still. It is <em>Mammon</em>, after all. Besides, I have to face my friends again eventually. Might as well start here.</p><p>            I open the door, interrupting whatever Mammon’s response was going to be to Luke’s challenge. His eyes meet mine, and I nod slightly before quickly looking away, meeting Luke’s gaze instead. I offer him a slight smile.</p><p>            “It’s alright, Luke. I’ll talk to him.”</p><p>            He looks back and forth between me and Mammon, his face still set in a scowl. “Are you sure? You don’t have to, you know.”</p><p><em>            Yes, I do</em>. Out loud, I say “I know, and I’m sure.” I look back up at Mammon, who has gone uncharacteristically quiet. Now it’s his turn to avoid my gaze, fidgeting in place uncomfortably. I sigh. This is not going to be easy.</p><p>            “Would you two like to use the garden outside for some privacy?” Simeon suggests. Apparently, he had been watching the exchange between Luke and Mammon. I feel a little better knowing that that means there wasn’t actually any chance of the two of them starting a fight.</p><p>            “Yes, thank you, Simeon,” I respond, giving him a nod and a smile. I turn back to Mammon, doing my best to make my expression neutral again. “Well… come on, then.”</p><hr/><p>            “So…,” Mammon starts, attempting to break the silence that had fallen between the two of us once we had gotten outside. I sit on a stone bench, watching Mammon pace back and forth as he tries to think of something to say, or perhaps waits for me to say something. He glances over at me every few seconds, as if to make sure I’m still there, before looking away again just as quickly.</p><p>            “So,” I repeat flatly, wary of how this is about to go. Mammon is a lot of things, but ‘understanding’ isn’t always one of them. But at least he’s here, which hopefully means he’s willing to try.</p><p>            The fact that I had responded at all seems to bolster Mammon somewhat, and he stops pacing to stand in front of me, finally meeting my eyes. Taking a deep breath, he crosses his arms and asks “You wanna tell me what last night was all about?”</p><p>            I bite my lip. This time it’s me who glances away, as I pretend to take interest in one of the flowers hanging near the bench. “Don’t have any guesses?”</p><p>            “Lucifer told me some. So did the do- I mean, so did Luke,” he amends when I glance up sharply. “But I want to hear it from you.” His expression is unusually serious, lacking any trace of his normal cocky attitude. He shifts from foot to foot, clearly as uncomfortable as I feel.</p><p>            I sigh, patting the bench beside me in silent invitation. Mammon sits immediately, blushing slightly at our close proximity when I turn to face him fully. I study him for a moment – which only serves to make his blushing worse – as I choose my next words carefully.</p><p>            “Mammon, when you look at me, do you…” I begin, then shake my head and start again. “What do you see, when you look at me now?” Mammon frowns, turning the question over in his head.</p><p>            “Er, is that some sort of trick question?” he asks, puzzled. I shake my head, but don’t speak, still waiting for an answer. “I mean… I guess I see… you?” I frown, not sure if he actually means that, or if he just doesn’t understand the question. Taking my expression as a sign of displeasure, Mammon winces. “Was that the wrong answer?”</p><p>            “No, it was the right answer,” I say quietly. “I just can’t tell if you really mean it.”</p><p>            “Wha- of course I do!” Mammon protests. “Look, this is about Belphie and a couple of the others slipping up and accidentally calling you Lilith, right? It’s not like they meant anythi– “</p><p>            “That’s only part of it,” I mumble. I hadn’t expected Mammon to actually hear me, but he stops, waiting for me to continue. I clear my throat and take a steadying breath. “Ever since Lord Diovolo told us about my connection to Lilith, you and your brothers have been treating me like I’m… like I’m not <em>me</em> anymore.”</p><p>            “That ain’t -”</p><p>            “But it <em>is</em>, Mammon,” I interrupt his protest. Tilting my head back, I glare up at the sky in an effort to hide the unshed tears that are starting to blur my vision. <em>Keep it together, idiot.</em> I refuse to cry about this, especially in front of Mammon. So I go with anger instead. “Think about it,” I press, still looking skyward. “The past few days, haven’t you noticed how practically everyone has been hanging off me, all the time?”</p><p>            “Now that you mention it, they <em>have</em> been even more annoying than usual,” Mammon grumbles, no doubt upset that his brothers have been cutting into his time alone with me.</p><p>            “And now everyone’s treating me like I’m some sort of prized possession or… or some <em>pet</em> they can fawn over whenever they want. I freaking hate it. It’s like our previous relationships don’t even exist anymore. I mean, Belphegor went from straight up murdering me to wanting to be my best friend in, like, two hours flat!” My voice catches at the end of my rant as my brain processes what I’m saying, and I wince. The others have all been avoiding talking about what had happened right before the big reveal, and to be honest, I’m not ready to address it yet either. I clutch at my throat reflexively, then drop my hand and shake my head. “No, forget I said that last part.”</p><p>            “You sure you don’t wanna talk about it?” Mammon asks me after a moment, his eyes briefly flashing with… guilt? I’m not really sure what that’s about, but decide not to ask. It’s still too soon.</p><p>            “Yeah I….” I draw in a shaky breath. “I’m not ready for that. Not yet.” He seems as relieved as I am to drop the subject.</p><p>            “Alright then.” We lapse into silence for a moment, as I try to get my thoughts back on track and away from dangerous territory. Finally, Mammon speaks up again. “But about that other stuff you were saying….”</p><p>            I sigh, doing my best to meet Mammon’s gaze again. “Look. I’m glad you guys found out that Lilith got to live the life she wanted. I truly am. But if that’s the only thing you can think of when you look at me anymore, then….” I bow my head, frustrated, trying to hide the few tears that are escaping despite my efforts. “Then I might as well not go back at all. I <em>hate</em> knowing that I’m not enough for you guys anymore,” I finish in a hoarse whisper.</p><p>            “Oh,” Mammon replies simply. He’s silent for a long moment, and my face burns. I can’t bear to look at him, although I can feel him staring at me. <em>Maybe it’s not too late to take everything back. I should just tell him to forget it. </em> I’m about to do just that, when Mammon speaks up again. “Okay, look. With all sincerity,” he begins, then promptly smacks me upside the head. It doesn’t hurt at all – I barely even feel it – but I look up anyway, startled, as he continues. “What the <em>hell</em> are you even talking about?”</p><p>            “W-what?”</p><p>            “C’mon, you heard me! ‘Not good enough for us?’ Seriously? Where’d you go and get a dumb idea like that?”</p><p>            “Gee, I dunno, Mammon,” I reply, my shock giving way to annoyance at his flippancy. “I guess I kind of figured it out when all my friends seemingly forgot who I was overnight.” Mammon scoffs, waving away my retort.</p><p>            “And here I thought my human was smarter than this. You’re gonna make me look bad if you keep being this dense, you know?”</p><p>            I scowl back at him, crossing my arms. “And what is <em>that</em> supposed to mean?”</p><p>            “It <em>means</em> you’ve got it all wrong,” Mammon begins, holding up his hand to stall my next outburst. “Nuh-uh. This time, I’m gonna talk and you’re gonna listen.” A hint of his cocky smirk has found its way back onto his face for the first time since the two of us came outside. I remain silent, begrudgingly curious as to why he seems so confident all of a sudden.</p><p>            Taking my silence as acceptance, Mammon continues. “Now, first off, you gotta quit it with this ‘not good enough’ talk. Literally no one thinks that about you, so I don’t wanna here it.”</p><p>            “But –“</p><p>            “Shush! What part of ‘no talking’ do you not understand?”</p><p>            “Hmph.”</p><p>            “That’s better. Now, second of all, I’d like to point out that <em>I</em>, the Great Mammon himself, never once started giving you any special treatment just because of this thing with Lilith.”</p><p>            “Oh really? You’re <em>seriously</em> going to play innocent right now?” I glare at him, daring him to continue, but Mammon doesn’t back down.</p><p>            “I ain’t playing. Go on, try to name <em>one</em> time I’ve acted differently in the past few days.”</p><p>            “Easy. There was…,” I begin, ready to call him out. But then I stop, frowning. Now that he mentions it, I can’t think of a specific example. <em>There has to be something, though, right?</em> He’s been clinging to me as much as the others lately, but that’s actually pretty normal behavior for Mammon, come to think of it. He’s also never slipped up and called me Lilith, as far as I’m aware. Not that that’s the only thing that’s been bothering me lately, but it would have been the easiest example to throw in his face. But even the brief time we have spent alone the past few days – probably no more than ten minutes all together – has still felt the same as always, hasn’t it? <em>Is he… is he actually right?</em> “…Huh.”</p><p>            “See? Told you.”</p><p>            “Alright, fine, maybe you’re right,” I admit reluctantly, some of my anger fading. I’m still not quite ready to let all of it go, though. “But just because I can’t think of anything right now doesn’t mean it hasn’t happened. And it definitely doesn’t excuse the rest of your brothers’ behavior.”</p><p>            “Yeah, they definitely screwed up. But now they <em>know</em> they screwed up, and I have to say, they’re devastated about it.”</p><p>            “They… they are?” This surprises me almost as much as Mammon’s slap had. I mean, I figured that they would be upset with me for leaving, but I didn’t think they’d really understand that it was kind of (mostly) their fault. Not this quickly, anyway.</p><p>            “Of course they are! They may be idiots, but they ain’t stupid.”</p><p>            My frown changes to one of confusion. “Wait, wha –“</p><p>            “Never mind that!” Mammon interjects hastily, waving away the comment. “Look, before writing them all off, don’t you think you should at least give them the chance to apologize?”</p><p>            “Well…,” I hesitate, thinking it over. Mammon makes a good case, I suppose. It’s not really fair to hold this against them if they are sincerely sorry about it. After all, it’s not like I haven’t forgiven them for worse things in the past, nor them me; why should this be any different? Besides, he’s half-right – they <em>are</em> idiots, but they’re <em>my </em>idiots. And despite what I said earlier, I can’t bear to imagine never going back to them. “I guess maybe you have a point,” I finally admit.</p><p>            “’Course I do. Besides, I’m your first, which means you have to listen to me anyway.” I scoff, rolling my eyes, but I can’t help the fond smile that spreads across my lips.</p><p>            “Whatever, dork.”</p><p>            Mammon seems pleased, realizing his attempts to cheer me up are working. “Look, if we go back and they start being jerks to you again, then we can leave, alright? Go somewhere just the two of us until they learn to behave again, how’s that sound?”</p><p>            “Pfft. We wouldn’t last two days, and you know it.”</p><p>            “Hey, gimme a little credit! You don’t think I could take care of you? It’s been my job since you got here, after all!”</p><p>            “Oh really?” I tease. “Here I thought I was the one keeping <em>you</em> out of trouble.”</p><p>            “Hey!” Mammon protests. He gives me a playful shove, eliciting a surprised laugh from me. I retaliate in kind, and soon enough we’re trading blows, giggling breathlessly at our attempts to fend each other off.</p><p>            Eventually I find myself with both wrists trapped in Mammon’s grip, unable to wriggle free from his grasp. He grins at me, triumphant. “Looks like I win, huh?” I struggle weakly, but quickly give up when I realize I’m nowhere near strong enough to break free. I sigh in mock-defeat.</p><p>            “Alright, fine, you win,” I concede, shaking my head with a smile. I continue in a more serious tone, “And you’re right; I do need to go back and hear the others out. I owe them that much, at least.” Relief flashes across Mammon’s face, gone again just as quickly as he hides it behind another bright grin.</p><p>            “There’s a good human. Just remember, the Great Mammon’s got your back. So no more running off like this, got it?”</p><p>            “Got it,” I agree, then draw him into a tight hug, my chin resting on his shoulder. Mammon stiffens for a moment before relaxing into the touch, bringing his own arms around me in return. I can practically feel the heat radiating off his cheeks. “Thanks, Mammon,” I mumble in his ear, hoping he realizes how much I mean it. Then I pull out of the hug and punch him in the arm.</p><p>            “Ow, what the – <em>that’s </em>how you show your thanks?! Seriously?”</p><p>            “No, that was payback for hitting me earlier.”</p><p>            “Aw, c’mon, I barely touched you!” Mammon protests, pouting. Although his wounded look is somewhat ruined by the mischievous smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth. “Besides, got you to stop crying, now didn’t I?”</p><p>            “Hmm, that you did,” I admit, pretending to think about it. “I suppose I should give you something in return for that as well, shouldn’t I?”</p><p>            Mammon immediately perks up at the prospect of a reward, and I have a hard time keeping a straight face. “Well, y’know, if you wanted to repay me, you <em>could </em>help me out with this new idea I had the other day. See, I’d just need -” Before he can get any further into the details of his latest scheme, and before I can lose my nerve, I lean in and press a quick, soft kiss to his cheek.</p><p>            Mammon’s voice cuts off with a squeak. I had only thought he’d been blushing badly before; now he is downright scarlet. My own face feels warm as well, and I doubt I look much better. I offer him a shy smile, before pulling him back into another brief hug.</p><p>            “I’ll go let Simeon know we’re going back home,” I say, before pulling away and heading for the backdoor.</p><p>            “R-right,” I hear Mammon respond, sounding somewhat dazed. He seems frozen in place, still processing what just happened. I decide to leave him to it, trusting he’ll catch up in a few minutes. I grin to myself slightly, feeling the happiest I have in a while. There’s still a lot I need to work out between myself and the rest of my friends, but for the first time in a while I feel optimistic about it. Things really are going to be fine; I’m going to make sure of it.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks for reading! If you have time, feel free to let me know what you think. This is the first time I've written something with so many characters in it, so I'm kind of nervous, even though most of them aren't in it for very long. But I really enjoyed writing it all the same, which is what matters most to me.<br/>Thanks again!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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